Amelia & I

The other one, the one called Amelia, is full of life and passion.  She’s always going on fun adventures and meeting new people.  Unfortunately for her there is me.  I get into her head and rattle around like a ping pong ball driving her mad.  I am the dark cloud in the distance that people see and fear.  Why is that?  I wasn’t always this way.  I used to be fun and support Amelia’s creativity.  We used to be a team, and now we’re opposing rivals. 

See, I’m doing it to her now .... she’s stuck, with nothing to write because I am there questioning her every move, making her anxious and giving her writers block.  She looks like a vegetable, sitting there, staring at the blank page, with nothing to write.  It’s not like I want to be the burden Amelia bares.  She carries me around like a ball and chain, struggling to be free, yet knowing there is no way out of this relationship.  I fear I may stop her from doing great things.  

When both Amelia and I are not at work thinking and taking action, we are sleeping.  Why can’t we always let go of things as when we do when fast asleep?  I have known Amelia to conceive some pretty wild dreams ... it must be frustrating that I take that away from her during the day.  As Walter Benjamin put it, I am like the dream that has grown grey.  Amelia will soon put a note on her door which reads: “poet at work” so that she can be free from me, letting her imagination run wild.  Amelia is the dream, and I am the banal.  I am not sure which of our faults this is.  Should Amelia try to let go of me?  Or should I stop crowding her mind, and let go of her?  Or maybe Amelia should not let me crowd her mind so that we can let go of each other, or at least learn to co-exist.

We are stuck in a game called the tug-of-war and it has gone on too long.  We must find peace.